Wednesday, April 26, 2017

My Diet Starts Tomorrow

A while ago, I read a book titled "My Diet Starts Tomorrow" by  Laurel Handfield.
Very hilarious and yet so honest. It really is the story of my life. You should find it and read. The girl had every reason on God's green earth to postpone her diet. 

I hate taking pictures, especially if its going to be taken by someone who isn't going to be bothered about doing the essentials of taking a good picture, which basically means, make me look thinner than I actually am. A girl knows how to employ all the necessary tricks before pictures are taken and published. The struggle is real.
So I saw my picture taken by a sweet, young photographer recently. I wanted to strangle him. But then I remembered he was not the one urging me on to drink all the rubbish i was drinking under the guise of "there is heat" in the past 2 months. He was not there when I was eating biscuit like they used it to swear for me. So I chilled out and decided to start my diet.

So, really, I am on a diet. I swear I am.
I do not have a problem with portion control. But my love for cake and other shitty things don't understand self control. 
So, yes, I am on a diet. I have been eating loads of salads. But there is cake and chocolate in my freezer. I will eat them. And "detox" after. If this is not good enough for the gods of weight loss, they should go and drink sulfur.
Ok, I didn't mean that. There actually might be gods of weight loss. I still want to wear my clothes biko. Sorry sirs and mas if you are truly out there. This is just a joke.  

So I am on a diet. No I am not doing keto. Or any other crazy diet. 
Yes they work. No, they are not for me. 

So my diet has really started. If cakes can find a way to kindly stay off my lane, that'd be great. 
But my diet has started.

How many times do I have to say it though? Am I trying to convince myself that I have started?

Apinke, your diet has started.